boldly-yo:

Genie: You have three wishes

Me: I wish dudebro trek fans actually understood the message of the shows

Genie: You know what, that’s a good wish. That ones on me, you still have three wishes

mazkanata:

carrie fisher may not be on this earth anymore but she still has the biggest dick energy of them all and that’s a Fact

c-bassmeow:

thismachineplaysme:

showerthoughtsofficial:

You can probably tell which family member is coming upstairs by their step pattern but wouldn’t be able to pick out your own

If my own footsteps were coming down the hall towards me I reckon I would have bigger problems on my hands…

(Source: reddit.com)

thepuppyclub:

I’ll be honest…I don’t want a career. I don’t want to work. I want to be LEFT ALONE and paid for it. 

molivier:

one-time-i-dreamt:

I was at a concert but the merch stand was a Hot Topic and there was only a bowl of $50 plastic rings and a stack of t-shirts in size XXXL exclusively that had nothing to do with the band and when I asked the cashier (who had lots of piercings and bright orange hair) if the shirts were related to the band, she just snapped “No!” at me and then I bought 2.

This reads like a John Mulaney stand up

teaboot:

quietdeviant:

teaboot:

2019 is going to be a great year because we’re going to fucking make it that way, no more of this “I hope good things come to me” shit, I’m gonna go out and drag good things to me by the fucking hair

SAME FRIEND, SAME

2019 Is The Year Of Not Even Remotely Fucking Around

geekandmisandry:

space-finally:

Things both bisexuals and asexuals are, appearantly:

1) gay and in denial

2) straight and looking for attention

Schrodinger’s Queer

meanplastic:

so apparently sleeping doesn’t make your problems go away. I woke up and everything still sucked. shocked and upset

(Source: meanplastic)

bpd–ghostie:

me: *excitedly tells friend something*

friend: ahh nice

me: Enthusiasm deficiency of 8.7376% detected. If you hate me so much just say so

date:

i’m addicted to wasting my time